Struggles

Ok, I am really bad at blogging, lol. Seriously though, I am struggling. Late in the spring I really felt God telling me to wait! Wait on the ENTIRE baby thing. So I did and I was content...until yesterday! I feel so selfish and guilty but still want to scream, it's not fair! My brother-in-laws girlfriend had a tubal pregnancy (unknown to her) and it ruptured! Life threatening situation! My first thought was, oh my gosh she got pregnant! And I was angry. Now I feel guilty. Why? I was doing good and now here I am reeling through all these emotions! I found myself today contemplating ways to fund fertility treatments or adoption. But at the same time, I hear that still, small voice say, wait. ( update on the health: doing good after emergency surgery, she should get to come home tomorrow!) Please keep praying for me, I need it!