Okay, so the other night I had this amazing dream....I dreamt James and I went to Africa to adopt a little boy. When we arrived there was a war going on. When we got to the orphanage gunfire broke out right outside the orphanage. James and I had to help the workers get the kids to a safe area. Meanwhile I'm searching for our son! Finally, after the shooting stopped a lady carried this little boy to me. When I reached for him he drew away and started crying. The lady kind of handed him to me and I took him and patted my chest and said, "I'm momma." He stopped crying and looked at me and said, "momma"? With tears in my eyes I said, " that's right honey, I'm momma." He then laid his head down on my shoulder and James, myself and our son walked out together as a family!
What an amazing dream! I did not want it to end! The emotions were real and I pray one day that dream will be too!

Struggles

Ok, I am really bad at blogging, lol. Seriously though, I am struggling. Late in the spring I really felt God telling me to wait! Wait on the ENTIRE baby thing. So I did and I was content...until yesterday! I feel so selfish and guilty but still want to scream, it's not fair! My brother-in-laws girlfriend had a tubal pregnancy (unknown to her) and it ruptured! Life threatening situation! My first thought was, oh my gosh she got pregnant! And I was angry. Now I feel guilty. Why? I was doing good and now here I am reeling through all these emotions! I found myself today contemplating ways to fund fertility treatments or adoption. But at the same time, I hear that still, small voice say, wait. ( update on the health: doing good after emergency surgery, she should get to come home tomorrow!) Please keep praying for me, I need it!

update!

Still nothing to report but felt like I was neglecting my blog! The longing is still there and sometimes even stronger than ever. I visited with a friend the other day and held a seven week old boy and the "baby bug" hit me hard! I so want that little one in my arms day in and day out. I know God will answer my prayers, just the way he did with Hannah. I can only pray and seek His will and then I know I will be content. Pray for James and I as we continue on our journey. Thanks!

The Beginning

This is truly the beginning for us. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over four and a half years without success. I am at the point in my life where I know something is missing. I come home each night and think about how empty our house is. I find myself wondering what it would be like to have the "pitter patter of little feet" around. So here I am contemplating the choices we have. I know that God has a plan for us. I just don't know what that plan is...yet. I don't know if we are supposed to adopt, foster or just wait. Right now the one thing I know we are supposed to do is pray. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! So, this is the beginning for us, and I invite you to come along as we find our miracle!